Tuesday, 6 August 2019

Traditional Christmas Service Which

Traditional Christmas Service Which

 traditional Christmas service which is also pretty obscure you might find some of this stuff inspiring you will definitely find some of it boring and you'll definitely fo

rget all of it within a week and be warned there will be lots of hokey similes and obscure aphorisms which start well that end up making no sense so listen up or you'll ge

t lost like a blind man clapping in a pharmacy trying to echolocate the contact lens fluid looking for my old poetry teacher here we go ready one you don't have to have a dream Americans I'm talent shows alwa

ys talk about their dreams fine if you have something you've always wanted to do dreamed of like in your heart go for it after all it's something to do with your ti

me chasing a dream and if it's a big enough one it'll take you most of your life to achieve so by the time you get to it and are s

taring to the into the abyss of the meaninglessness of your achievement you'll be almost dead so it won't matter I never really had one of these dreams and so I advocate passionate dedication to the pur

suit of short-term goals be micro ambitious put your head down and work with pride on whatever is in front of you you

 never know where you might end up just be aware the next worthy pursuit will probably appear in your periphery which is why you should be careful of long term

 dreams if you focus too far in front of you you won't see the shiny thing out the corner of your eye right good advice metaphor

look at me go to don't seek happiness happiness is like an orgasm if you think about it too much goes away keep busy and aim to make someone else happy and you might find you get some as a side effect we

 didn't evolve to be constantly content contented Homo erectus got eaten before passing on their genes three remember it's all luck you are lucky to be here

you are in Calculon calculable lucky to be born and incredibly lucky to be brought up by a nice family that helped you get educated and encourage you to go to uni or if you were born into a horrible family that's

unlucky and you have my sympathy but you are still lucky lucky that you happen to be made of the sort of DNA that went on to make the sort of brain which when

Darker Days I Did A Corporate

Darker Days I Did A Corporate

darker days I did a corporate gig at a conference for this big company who made and sat and sold accounting software in a bid I presume to inspire their sal

espeople the greater heights that forked out 12 grand for an inspirational speaker who was this extreme sports guy who had had a couple of his limbs frozen off when he

 got stuck on a Ledge on some mountain it was weird software sales people I thin

k need to hear from someone who has had a long successful and happy career in software sales not from an overly optimistic ex Mountaineer some poor guy who

had arrived in the morning hoping to learn more about sales techniques ended up going home worried about the blood flow to his extremities it's not inspirational it's

confusing and if the mountain was meant to be a symbol of life's challenges and the loss of limbs a metaphor for sacrifice the software guys not going to get it is he because he didn't do an arts degree did he he sho

uld have arts degrees are awesome and they help you find meaning where there is none and let me assure you there is none don't go looking for it searching for mean

ing is like searching for a rhyme scheme in a cookbook you won't find it and I'll bugger up your souffle we didn't like that m

etaphor you won't like the rest of it point being I'm not an inspirational speaker I've never lost a limb on a mountainside metaphorically or otherwise and I'm certainly not

 here to give career advice because well I've never really had what most would consider a job however I have had large groups of people listening to what I say for q

uite a few years now and it's given me an inflated sense of self-importance so I will now at the ripe old age of 37.9 bestow upon you nine life lessons to echo of course the nine lessons of carols of the

Sunday, 21 July 2019

Something To Do At Harvard

something to do at Harvard 

their way through them the miniature traffic cones of their existence you are wrong and they are right well you're half right do you think therefore you are but als

o your job therefore you sleep therefore you're not overwhelmed by existential angst you can't be can't and you don't want to be play a sport do yoga pump iron run whatever

 but take care of your body you're going to need it most of you may are going to live to nearly a hundred and even the poorest of you will achieve a level of wealth that

most humans throughout history could not have dreamed of and this long luxurious life ahead of you is going to make you depressed but don't despair there is an inverse

correlation between depression and exercise do it run my beautiful intellectuals run five be hard on your opinions a famous bon mot asserts that opinions are like ass

holes in that everyone has one there is great wisdom in this but I would add that opinions differ significantly from ourselve

s and that yours should be constantly and thoroughly examined I used to do exams in here it's revenge we must think critically and not just about the ideas of othe

rs be hard on your beliefs take them out onto the veranda and hit them with a cricket bat be intellectually rigorous identify your biases your prejudices your privileges most of society's arguments are kept a

live by a failure to acknowledge nuance we tend to generate false dichotomies and then try to argue one point

Prophecy Where I Couldn't

Prophecy Where I Couldn't

 placed in a horrible childhood environment would make decisions that meant you ended up eventually graduating uni well d

one you for dragging yourself up by your shoelaces but you were lucky you didn't create the bit of you that dragged you up there not even your shoelaces I suppose

I worked hard to achieve whatever dubious achievements I've achieved but I didn't make the bit of me that works hard and more than any more than I made the bit o

f me that ate too many burgers instead of attending lectures when I was here at UWA understanding that you can't truly take credit for your successes nor truly b

lame others for their failures will humble you and make you more compassionate empathy is intuitive but is also something you can work on intellectually for exercise I'

m sorry you pasty pale smoking philosophy grads arching your eyebrows into a Cartesian curve as you watch the human movement mob winding  using two entirely

 different sets of assumptions like two tennis players trying to win a match by hitting beautifully executed shots from either end of separate tennis courts by the

way while I have science and arts graduates in front of me please don't make the mistake of thinking the Arts and Sciences are at odds with one another that is a recent stupid and damaging idea you don't h

ave to be unscientific to make beautiful art to write beautiful things if you need proof Twain Douglas Adams Vonnegut McEwen Seguin Shakespeare Dickens for a start

 you don't need to be superstitious to be a poet you don't need to hate GM technology to care about the beauty of the planet you don't have to claim a soul to promote com

passion science is not a body of knowledge nor a belief system it is just a term which describes humankind's incremental acquisition of understanding through obse..

rvation science is awesome the Arts and Sciences need to work together to improve how knowledge is communicated the idea that many Australians including o

ur new p.m. and my distant cousin Nick Minchin believe that science the science of anthropogenic global warming is controversial is a powerful indicator of

 the extent of our failure to communicate the fact that 30% of the people in this room just bristled is further evidence still the

Friday, 19 July 2019

Mail This Stamps For Me

Mail This Stamps For Me

fact that that bristling is more to do with politics than science is even more despairing six be a teacher ple be a teacher te

achers are the most admirable and important people in the world you don't have to do it forever but if you're in doubt about what to do be an amazing teacher just for yo

ur 20s be a teacher be a primary school teacher especially if you're a bloke we need male primary school teachers even if you're not a teacher be a teacher share your ide

as don't take for granted your education rejoice in what you learn and spray it seven define yourself by what you love I found

myself doing this thing a bit recently where if someone asks me what sort of music I like I say well I don't listen to the radio becau

se pop song lyrics annoy me or if someone asks me what food I like I say I think truffle oil is overused and slightly obnoxious an

d I see it all the time online people whose idea of being part of a subculture is to hate Coldplay or football or feminists or the Liberal Party we have a tendency to define ourselves in opposition to stuff as a comedian I

make my living out of it but try to also express your passion for things you love be demonstrative and generous in your praise of those you admire send thank-you cards and give standing ovations beep rose st

uff not just aunty stuff eight respect people with less power than you I have in the past made important decisions about people I work with agents and producers big decisions based largely on how they treat the waits

taff in the restaurants we're having the meeting in I don't care if you're the most powerful cat in the room I will judge you on how you treat the least powerful so there 9 finally don't rush you don't need

 to already know what you're going to do with the rest of your life I'm not saying sit around smoking cones all day but also don't panic most people I know who were sure o

f their career path at 20 are having midlife crises now I said at the beginning of this ramble which was already three and a half minutes long that life is meanin

gless it was not a flippant assertion I think it's absurd the idea of seeking meaning in the set of circumstances that happens to exist after 13.8 billion years worth of un

guided events leave it to humans to think the universe has a purpose for them however I am no nihilist I'm not even a

Like To Drive In It Well It's

Like To Drive In It Well It's

you it is such an honor to be part of your day it's an honor to be here with you with your friends your professors and your p

arents but let's be honest this is an honor I didn't really earn I'm just gonna put that out there I mean I've seen the lis

t of previous commencement speakers Nobel Prize winners the UN secretary-general president of the World Bank Pres

ident of the United States and who did you get the guy who did the voice for a cartoon horse if you're wondering which cartoon horse that spirit stallion of the Cimarron a

movie summon you might have grown up watching it's definitely one of my best performances as a cartoon hor

se well look I don't even have a college degree as you might have heard I went to Harvard I just didn't graduate from Harvar

d I got pretty close but I started to get movie roles and I didn't finish all my courses but I put on a cap and gown and I walked with my class my mom and dad and brother w

ere there and everything I just never got an actual degree you could say I kind of faked graduated so you can imagine how excited I was when president rife called

to invite me to speak at the MIT commencement and then you can imagine how sorry I was to learn that the MIT commencement speaker does not get to go home with a degree so yes for

the second time in my life I am fake graduating from a college in my hometown [Music] and my mom and my dad and my brother are here again and this time I brought my

wife and my four kids so welcome kids to your dad's second fake graduation you must be so proud so as I said my mom is here she's a professor so she knows the

 value of an MIT degree she also knows that I couldn't have gotten in here I mean Harvard you know barely or a safety school like Yale look I'm not running for

Tuesday, 16 July 2019

Worry About Cool Make Your

Worry About Cool Make Your

nt to eat  you belong in the most secret part of you don't worry about cool make your own uncool make your own make yo

ur own world if you fear make it work for you draw and paint your fear and anxiety and stop worrying about big deep things such as to decide on a purpose and way of life a consistent approach to even some impossible end or even an unimaginative be

g stupid dumb unthinking empty then you will be able to do and much confidence in you and even though you are tormenting yo

urself the work you do is very good try to do something bad try to do some bad work the worst thing you could think of to see what happens but mainly relax and let

 everything go to hell you are not responsible for the world you're only responsible for your work so just do it don't think that your work has to conform to any preconceiv

ed idea for more flavor it can be anything you want it to be but if life would be easier for you if you stopped working - stop don't punish yourself however I think that thi

s is so deeply ingrained in you that it would be better for you to do it seems I do understand your attitude somewhat anyway

 because I go through a similar process every now and again myself I have an agonizing reappraisal of my work and chan

ged everything as much as possible and hate everything I'd done and tried to do something entirely different and better and maybe that kind of process isn't necessary t

o me pushing me on and on and well the feeling that I could do better than that I just did maybe you need your agony to accomplish what you do and maybe a goads you want